"Dear Diary" ( Solitary ]

Dear diary, i cant jus keep this inside of me
I rather conversate with dha paqe privately
Maybe ihd 'sz mhy mood, far as i can see
Really no point in havin this mind wihd me
Fed ohff dha audacity to care about other 'sz
When misery love 'sz company, but company dont comfort comfortably
Naw, sometime 'sz i dont feel prepared to intake a relationship
Cus yhue have to relate to dha relative part of dha relationship
Like, she still call 'sz and i receive her emotion 'sz
As ihf we ;re not toqether but ihd kill 'sz her knowin
Mislead dha powerful heart strinq 'sz inbetween
But i had to fill dha void ohf when mhy ex chick left -
I tried to find comfort in dha arm 'sz of another qirl
But i wasnt even over Rose, new qirl had what was left
Dedicated mhy heart to dha ultimate individual
In which when i lost her took toll 'sz on mhy physical
Mislead mhy mental and decimated mhy third eye
Tryna leep peace between self and mhy mental
Chick 'sz think ihm on qame 'sz when i dont call dhey fone
But ihd 'sz not tryna play yhue or treat ihd like sport
At one point i thouqht i did ihd cus i was bored
Dhat was a lie, i only did id cus i qrew paranoid
So much pain, but ppl expect me to share this with a family
Usually i dont do ihd or better off never cared
Id 'sz like a fantasy discussin what 'sz qoin on in mhy life
Ihd was somethin about me beinq distant from dha rest of dha world
But ihd was heavily contributed to mhy pride
There were time 'sz i qrew suicidal and felt entitled to die
Where ihm from, yhue do dhat before yhue 're entitled to cry
At time 'sz, i used to beq for psychiatric assistance
But i didn 't open uhp to dhem, so dhey had chosen to dismiss him
So hard to witness mhy brother succeed
When he oriqinally sacrificed shid to witness mhy dream
Dha irony of dhat is he made ihd before i did
And i felt cheated., so i cried on some hiqh shid
He became dha victor, i became dha victim
I became hurt dhoe, i became vindictive
He became better off and i didn 't even lie to him
I was hopin he would hate me
He killed me with kindness
I suffered dha loss and i bathe in 3 casket 'sz
One for me, myself &+ i and dhat was so challenqin
Knowin i had love from ppl i didnt know
Was dha best and most beautifl thinq i ever known
When dha blind lead dha blind it 'sz so hard to see straight
But when yhue open uhp ya eye 'sz, yhue see everything yhue hate
Yhue realize ya fate has came to an untimely conclusion
And yhue sittin there feelin so out of place or useless
All this love i qive, in dha end i look stupid
Sacrificin myself for ppl who dont kno what to do wihd ihd.
All subjuqated and overrated at a time
I was udnerrated when ihd came to relayin dhat i was fine
When people were concerned abt dha imaqe i would uphold
I would break down, knowin i loved dha victim role
But i was born in id, i enjoy bein bred there
Yet i do hate dha fact dhat no one else was never slept here
Chillin in mhy bed tryna think abt dha next yr
Knowin i could suffer dha pain before ihm left there
Darian is dope and i would do nothin to hurt her
But maybe ihm not dha one and we could quote ihd
I qot so many problem 'sz and addiction 'sz
Offbased prescription 'sz - As much as i write now, i think mhy heart aint even listenin
I write dha most ill shid ever to qrace page 'sz
Only to save face from syain shid like i hate yhue
This isnt an issue jus thinq 'sz i cant conquer
Lost one ohf mhyn brother 'sz to this music and ihd 'sz promised
I will hate, but i try and conqratulate him
He wanna take me wihd him, but mhy pride aint in concession
Im better off cryin and bitchin in depression
Cus dhat 'sz all i know best -
Yea,. dont even pick uhp dha fone for mhy sister anymore mhy niqqa
Cus i dont wanna conversate to her abt a niqqa feelinq 'sz
I dont even wanna hear mhy brother damn name
Cus dha more ihm subdued is dha more i feel chained
Ihd 'sz dha more i feel hurt and dha more i feel ashamed
As ihf ihd 'sz mhy fault thinq 'sz happen and thinq 'sz dont chanqe
But yo, i still smoke ciqarrette 'sz at random
I do ihd cus nicotine aside from God understand 'sz him
I dont even really freakin pray no more
I mean i do, but only when i cant take ihd no more
I tell ppl imma pray for em, dhen i never do id
I fiqure if i tell em, God 'sz qon qo ahead and excuse id
Yet, ihm still writin how much i hate yhue on exclusive
Odd 'sz is still aqainst me and i feel stupid
I feel liek i dont have one soul here
But i qrown not to qive a fuhk or even care
Talk to em,....

- Sage. !